2010: Knocks and kudos (3)

Knocks for Lars Lagerback and Obasanjo

In this concluding part, Abimbola Adelakun and Gbenga Adeniji give a rating of people who influenced Nigeria in one way or the other. The scales are still the same of one to five, in order of increasing chastisement and approbation respectively. Here we go.



The jinx that lagged Nigeria back

If the Nigeria Football Federation had been a bit more circumspect, the man called Lars Lagerback would not have been hired. This is not just because the man resigned as manager in 2009 after Sweden‘s failure to qualify for the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, or because he was hired at a very huge cost to lead Nigeria to same tournament in South Africa, but because his name should have already shown us where we would land. Nigeria didnt even go far before the name turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

At the risk of sounding superstitious, we believe the name ‘Lagerback’ has something to do with a the way Nigeria lagged back at the World Cup. We should have stuck with a home based coach and even though we would still have lost the turnament, we would not have lagged back so badly.

One knock to Lagerback for the jinx in his name.

Nwodo learnt from a fallen horse

When former Chairman of the Peoples Democratic Party, Chief Vincent Ogbulafor made that infamous statement that zoning was going to be adhered to in Nigeria, only a child in Nigeria‘s political affairs would not have seen his impending downfall. A similar thing happened in the days of ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo when he sent the then Chairman of the party, Audu Ogbeh, packing for saying what they don’t want to hear. In Nigeria, the only thing that sometimes change are the characters, the script stays the same.

Anyway, Ogbulafor fell and was replaced by Dr. Okwesilieze Nwodo. The new man, knowing how Nwodo’s tongue tripped him, quickly started singing that zoning was dead in Nigeria. Yet, this same Nwodo got into that office through the principle of zoning that gave the seat to South East . We know doublespeak is part of politics but because Nwodo was not so tactful about it, he gets two knocks.



Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis

A bit confusing, isn‘t it? That is the word that major dictionaries accept as the longest one. It refers to a lung disease contracted from the inhalation of very fine silica particles, specifically from a volcano. In simple medical terms, it means silicosis.

Now, if that seems a roundabout way of going by something quite simple, consider Mr. Patrick Obahiagbon. This man uses very big words, often meaningless, to contribute to debates in the House of Representatives and on television as well. Most Nigerians who listen to him do not do so for the depths of ideas because if those ism ism grammar he speaks has any, God knows it would be very difficult to access. Anybody who listens to Obahiagbon is looking for comic relief, not ideas. The lawmaker himself enjoys the attention and seems he has kept it up so that he can be the news most times.

Ordinarily, we should award this man kudos for giving us a laugh amid the various tensions of our daily existence but considering that Nigerian students have consistently recorded failures in their external exams, especially English language, we find him guilty of gasconade narcissism of megalomaniac proportions.

We have three reverberating and earth thundering knocks for him but to be fair, we will hold it in abeyance until Hon Obahiagbon can prove to us that there is a recognised dictionary he consults for all the big words he uses.



Senator sit-tight

We do not need a degree in Law to know that judicial pronouncements are not written in Greek, Latin or any other medieval language. They are written in English. So we find it highly surprising that former Senator Joy Emordi would sit tight in the hollow (sorry, hallow) chambers after an Appeal Court had sacked her and insist the court interpret its judgment.

We know Emordi was only trying to buy time and that was why she and her lawyer would become so frivolous so as to waste the time of the court and Nigerians. We find this woman guilty of the same sin being committed by other African leaders with sit tightism spirit such as Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and lately, Laurent Gbagbo of Cote D Ivoire. That means if she has a chance to lead a country in future, she will probably seek a tenth term if she can manage it. We give her three hard knocks for this behaviour and we hope she learns her lessons.



Papa and son did it street style

The duo of former President Olusegun Obasanjo and the ex-governor of Ekiti State, Ayodele Fayose sure deserves some hard knocks for their inability to show decorum in public last year. Both of them were reported to have engaged in a name-calling exercise in Okuku, Osun State, at a thanksgiving reception organised in honour of the sacked governor of the state, Prince Olagunsoye Oyinlola. Obasanjo was alleged to have to have started the diatribe by calling Fayose a “bastard” when the latter reportedly snubbed him after exchanging greetings with other guests present at the event. Fayose, who is not known to be a respectable gentleman in his conduct of politics, responded in kind by referring to the old man as the “father of bastards”.

We understand that the English word ‘bastard’ does a great injustice to the connotative meaning of the word. Nevertheless, the people‘s court finds them guilty of unbecoming public conduct. We however, hesitate to give an old man and former president like Obasanjo any knocks. For the embarrassment itself, the man himself has suffered enough. Elsewhere, ex-presidents give public lectures and get fat bucks. In Nigeria, they get insult. For the reasons espoused here, four hard knocks go on Fayose’s lips. By the time he goes about with swollen lips for a while, he will learn to show some restraint in public next time.



Kudos



A good cometh out of Nazareth!

An average Nigerian has conditioned his/her mind to expect something bad from the legislators. Don’t blame Nigerians, our lawmakers have consistently failed us. In the first part of these series, we gave the Federal Legislature five knocks on their collective heads. Today, we are glad that a good thing came out of a legislative arm and that is the one of Lagos state.

The Chairman, ad-hoc Committee on Finance at the Lagos State House Assembly, Mr. Olamilekan Adeola painstakingly studied the N46bn supplementary budget request sent by the governor, Babatunde Fashola and told his colleagues including the Speaker, Mr. Adeyemi Ikuforji, during a plenary session that his committee discovered that there was no correlation in the amount being requested and mode of financing it, which revealed a difference of N11bn. He said the budget analysis only showed that N10bn would be sourced through the state Internal Revenue Service and another N10bn from the federal allocation. He insisted that it left a deficit of N26bn which would be borrowed, adding that in the finance column, N15bn was stated instead of N26bn thus revealing a difference of N11bn. He further noted that it could not be a typographical error for the state might be requestingN35bn and not N46bn. His methodical analysis resulted in the return of the request to the executive arm for clarification.

It might seem as if this is not worth kudos but considering that some state legislatures do not even have the discipline or diligence to examine the budget at all, we find this little light shown by Mr. Adeola commendable. If they had stolen money, we would have been too glad to tear them apart. In that wise, we award kudos. After all, in Oyo state, the lawmakers are endorsing the governor rather than providing checks and balances.

Hon., can you please step forward and accept your two kudos?



And to the Robin Hoods…..

Not that it is much of a feat in a country where the lawmakers earn a fortune amid pauperised citizens, but the resilience of the leadership of the Nigeria Labour Congress and the Trade Union Congress,Mr. Abulwaheed Omar and Peter Esele respectively in demanding a relatively fair wage for the workers is worthy of commendation. We know that when it comes to the people they pretend to serve, our government quickly pretend they are asleep. However, these two gentlemen pressed for a minimum wage of N18, 000 which eventually saw the light of the day. Though federal and state governments are still foot dragging on its implementation, it is noteworthy that they shook down better welfare package from the government for the suffering Nigeria workers. For now, the Federal Government is still being urged to send a bill to the National Assembly so that it can enact a law making it compulsory for every employer of labour in the country to pay the wage. In fact, all of them can delay till eternity but the feat of these two gentlemen has attracted three kudos. What’s more? Perhaps we should ask them to help us press for power supply all over Nigeria.



Refused to be Caesar

The Chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission, Prof. Attahiru Jega will also receive two kudos for being receptive to the aspiration of the electorate. After his appointment, which was greeted with overwhelming applause from Nigerians, he had hardly settled down to the allure of his comfortable office before civil right groups and concerned Nigerians mobilised to demand for a new voter register. He could have turned a deaf ear like the Roman General, Julius Caesar did to the soothsayer’s warning about the “Ides of March”, but he got up and got going. Right now, he has done away with the old one he inherited from his predecessor, Prof Maurice Iwu, which contained fictitious names.

He earns four kudos.

A pat on Utomi’s back

One of the most distressing things about Nigeria’s political scene presently is the lack of ideas and thoughts that will define the next administration. Most of the people seeking to be our leaders are coasting on ethnicity and seeking the endorsements of entertainers and religious leaders. In the midst of this bedlam of zoning and the brouhaha of consensus candidate, one man stands out and that is Professor Pat Utomi.

He has uploaded on Youtube.com, videos of developmental ideas which he is sharing with Nigerians. They are called ‘Let my people think’ and they are in series. We find this commendable because, right now, the lack of serious campaign based issues is quite worrying. It is a relief that at least, somebody knows we should be discussing issues. In fact, Utomi has said that his ideas are not necessarily for him to hoard. If he doesn‘t become president but another progressive does, he will hand over his blueprint to such a person. This attitude is so unlike a Nigerian politician . For this, we award the professor full kudos and we hope that others who are busy making cacophonous noises all over the place will take a cue from him.

 


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Exploring different means to raise start-up funds

Exploring different means to raise start-up funds

It is the wish of most people to be bosses of their own businesses. Of course, the reason for this is not far-fetched. In the first instance, self-employment enables an individual to regulate his working hours and also determine how much he wants to earn.

Importantly, entrepreneurship gives one the opportunity to fully utilise his abilities without being hampered by the limitations of the workplace. In other words, when one is self-employed, he is definitely no longer subject to employer‘s whims and caprices.

However, as enticing as the idea of owning one‘s business is, not everyone who desires it can achieve it.

One major reason for this is dearth of funds. Businesses are built with resources, chief among which is money. Therefore, starting a new business requires that one has access to the needed funds.

However, this is not an easy process, especially in a business environment like Nigeria’s, where access to credit is difficult.

There is the need, therefore, to explore several means of getting the needed fund without necessarily paying the prevalent high interest imposed by banks.

In her article, ”How to Raise Money to Start a Business,” published in powerhomebiz.com, Ms Isabel Isidro, says that the first place to look for financing is right at home, by accessing personal savings and assets. These are the easiest sources of capital.

She states, ”If you have money set aside, you use it instead of borrowing or rounding up investors. Or, you can take an inventory of items you do not need and have a garage sale. Most people are pleasantly surprised how much cash they can raise in a single weekend. You can also use your stocks, bonds, pension plans, life insurance policies and real estate to raise the needed capital. Those who own homes oftentimes secure equity loans and use the proceeds to start a business.”

She, however, notes that most new entrepreneurs do not have adequate personal savings to fund new business.

”Others, on the other hand, have savings but refuse to dip into their piggy bank for a variety of reasons. It may be their retirement money or for emergencies; while others would rather use their savings as collateral and borrow against it at a low interest rate,” she adds.

Speaking in a similar vein, a business consultant and the Chief Executive Officer, Newage Leasing Limited, Ms. Kemi Samuel, notes that every business at one point in time needs finance, whether at start-up stage, to expand or to venture into other related businesses.

She says, ”My sincere recommendation for start-ups is to start small, either with personal savings or seek assistance from friends and families and get them to buy into your idea so they can support you.”

But she also warns that bringing friends and relatives on board should not be done without considering some factors.

”If you are comfortable with co-owning the business with members of your family, then you can bring them on board,” Samuel explains.

Isidro adds, ”If you are borrowing from family members instead of asking them to invest, maintain a very businesslike and impersonal procedure. To avoid putting strain on the relationship, it is better to draw up a formal agreement in order to put the terms of the loan in writing. It is important to view the participants as business associates.”

She also canvasses the possibility of approaching venture capital firms. These are professional investors, usually in charge of a large pool of capital, gathered from a range of sources.

”These firms invest in new, even high-risk or speculative businesses without a proven track record, with the potential for rapid growth and high returns in a short time,” she explains.

Samuel points out that it is easier for growing businesses to access credit than new ones.

She says, ”Some people will be quick to ask that why would a Dangote, for example, get a credit line for a new business it is venturing into and others would not? Is it also not a start-up? Every lender wants to minimise his risks as much as possible and would be comfortable giving Dangote a credit line for a start-up business because Dangote is established, has track record and has other businesses to fall back on if this start-up business should fail.”

The Newage Leasing boss, however, warns that getting access to funds will come with a certain degree of diligence. For instance, she says that an entrepreneur needs to prepare himself to be able to convince prospective lenders or investors to provide funding for his business ideas.

She explains, ”Prepare a solid business plan. Lenders or investors look out for businesses that show promise and they would only give their money to business people, who have sound personal and business financials and are committed to the success of their businesses. Not only must your business plan be sound and solid but must be well presented. Be prepared to stake your own money in form of equity. Lenders are comfortable with entrepreneurs that are willing to stake personal funds of not less than 25 per cent in the business they finance.

She counsels further, “Be passionate and be open to constructive criticisms. If lender A is not comfortable with your idea, take note of the issues raised, go back and do your homework, fine-tune it and take to either lender A again or another prospective lender; for already existing business. In the simplest form, document your business, show simple cash flow, bank your sales proceeds. Also, have a sales and purchase record book because these are the information a prospective lender will have to work with.

 


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Waiting for intervention funds for entertainment industry

AFRIF Chief Executive, Chioma Ude, and popular actress, Rita Dominic, at a party that ushered in the festival

A number of major events took place in the entertainment sector last year. Among such is the African Movie Academy Award, where, among others, Kunle Afolayan’s Figurine won several awards. The maiden edition of the African Film Festival held in Port Harcourt, Rivers State in December also bequeathed more promise to the industry.

On the musical scene, Kunle Awopetu’s Sound City Video Music Awards and the Nigeria Video Music Awards, founded by the Chief Executive Officer of Callyvision Productions, Cally Ikpe, accorded various artistes due honour. The MTV Africa Music Awards with Zain also left a good impression on the canvas of the year.

But what may pass for the biggest gift in the year still remains a promise – a promise worth being waited for, anyway. That is the one made by President Goodluck Jonathan at the Silverbird Organisation’s 30th anniversary celebration in Lagos. In a declaration that pleasantly shocked many practitioners, Jonathan said the Federal Government would power the entertainment industry with $200m.

First, the film makers, musicians, producers, actors and others present burst into a wild jubilation. But minutes after, they began to doubt if they heard the president right. Did he mean to say N200m? When Jonathan, however, cleared the air and stressed that government would intervene with $200m, the stakeholders did not know whether to continue to dance or go into a prayer session. The largesse seemed so huge that it began to look like a piece of drama.

“If I must confess to you,” said a seasoned actor who prayed for anonymity, “if the president had said it was N200m he meant, we would have found it easier to believe. What a colleague asked me is: where will government get $200m from? So, we are very appreciative of the proposed intervention. But we just have to wait and see.”

There is a similar promise of intervention that is older than the President’s. About two years ago, the World Bank had declared its intention to fund the industry to the tune of $20m. By mid 2010 when our correspondent sought information on the proposal from the bank’s office in Abuja, it was gathered that the project would take off last September. Part of the indication to that effect was the fact that work had been concluded on a documentary produced by the World Bank on the Nigerian entertainment industry, as a prelude to the main course. But as at the end of 2010, the project had not taken off.

An industry source, however, noted that the interventions was still very alive, and that modalities were still being worked out.


 Source:Pounch


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Bomb scare in Lagos ... police deploy bomb squad in airports

Officers of the Bomb Disposal Squad searching for hidden bombs at Motorways Centre, Lagos-Ibadan Expressway after a bomb scare in Lagos on Thursday. Photo: Success Nwogu.

There was pandemonium at Motorways Centre, an office complex at the Seven Up end of the Lagos Ibadan Expressway on Thursday, as the occupants fled their offices after they received information that a bomb was about to explode.

THE PUNCH learnt that the information came in form of some letters warning occupants of an imminent bomb explosion in the complex said to house about 42 companies.

The letters our correspondents learnt were found in a toilet and some dark corners in the building.

The letter, which was signed by “Concerned Nigerians” read in part: “A bomb has been planted at Motorway building and could go off any moment. Kindly inform your loved ones that might be within range.”

Some of the letters said the bomb would go off within six hours after the receipt of the notice.

It was learnt that the man said to be in charge of the complex, identified as Mr. Tunde, alerted the occupants of the building of the letters and advised them to leave the complex as a precautionary measure.

This led to panic as the occupants struggled to run out of the complex for their lives. Many people, PUNCHMETRO learnt collided with one another in their effort to run out of danger. But it could not be established whether there were injured persons.

One of the occupants, who did not want to be named for security reasons, affirmed that they got letters warning them of an impending bombing of the complex.

He said, “We had a rumour that there were letters dropped at strategic places warning us of a bomb attack on the building. The man in charge of the Motorways, Mr. Tunde, gave instruction that people should leave the building.”

When PUNCHMETRO inquired from the man said to be in possession of one of the threat letters, he declined to comment on the development.

“I cannot comment on the matter because of the nature of my job. I cannot also show you the letter. You have to wait for my superior for information,” he said.

When our correspondents got to the scene around 3.30pm, workers had deserted their offices and were seen discussed in hushed tones in groups. The gates to the complex were locked and people were denied entry into the complex.

Another occupant of the building who also declined to mention his name said the panic began around 2.30pm when the information spread round.

He said, “I was working in my office at the complex when somebody rushed in and practically dragged me out of the office. I was surprised because I did not know what was happening. But he later told me that a bomb was about to explode in the company. When we got to the staircase, I saw many people rushing out from their offices. There was a lot of pushing as everyone wanted to be the first to get out of danger.

“When we got outside, I saw that a lot of people were already outside and many of them were driving their cars out of the premises in panic.”

Policemen from Bomb Disposal Squad were seen moving in and out of the complex. One of them told one of our correspondents that they decided not to treat the threat with levity.

However the commissioner of police in charge of the state police command, Mr. Marvel Akpoyibo, said that the police usually check out any information they received, whether they were fraudulent or not.

Akpoyibo said, “But the letter is spurious and mischievous. I have told Lagosians that they should beware of fear messengers, who are bent on causing panic in Lagos State.

“If anybody has information on anything, the right place to go is the police. Why should anybody start giving such frivolous information to the public, instead of the police? It is wrong and criminal. It is an offence under the law.”

The Commissioner of Police, Explosive Ordinance Devices, Mr. Chris Olakpe, said his unit got information that a bomb was planted around a bank in the complex.

He said, “We went there and swept the areas around the bank and even the entire building. We are sure that the place is clean but I have ordered a continuous sweeping of the place until further.”

Indications emerged on Thursday that the Federal Government might have ordered the deployment of more anti-bomb police officers to airports, particularly Lagos.

A top police officer, who pleaded anonymity because of the sensitive state of security in the country, said the decision was aimed at achieving efficiency in the screening of vehicles entering the airports.

The officer also said that the spate of bombings in the country had prompted the decision.

“The government want to ensure that there is adequate security at the airport. This is why they have increased the number of officers carrying out the screening of vehicles coming to the airport; they have increased their numbers now,” the top police officer said.

The officer, however, did not give the number of officers added to beef up the existing the team.

However, special vehicles belonging to the anti bomb squad were seen parading the Lagos airport.

Meanwhile, the Police Public Relations Officer, Airport Command, Nigeria Police Force, Mr. Benedict Ifeanyi, on Thursday said that screening of vehicles coming into the airport would “continue definitely” until the security situation in the country improves.

The Airport Command of the police had on Wednesday embarked heavy screening of vehicles entering the airport.

Particular attention was paid on vehicles entering the old domestic wing of the Murtala Muhammed Airport, Lagos.

As early as 8:00am, there was heavy traffic along the road linking Ikeja to the airport owing to the screening of vehicles at the junction leading to the General Aviation Terminal.

Special anti-bomb handheld equipment were being used by police officers to screen vehicles entering the airport.

The PPRO said that the special screening followed an order from Abuja.

The Divisional Police Officer, Domestic Station, Mr. Ayuba Pam, said that, “We have started the screening, and we will continue. The same thing is going in other commands of the airport, Abuja, Kano, Port Harcourt and others. We are working with the equipment that has been provided; we believe more will still come.”

The Commissioner of Police, Airport Command, Mr. Moses Onireti, in a brief telephone chat with our correspondents said, “Everything is in order. We are on top of the situation. No cause for alarm”

 


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How do u increase the size on a man's P?

Linda, this is not a joke. Could you ask people for me what it takes to enlarge a man's penis? I love my boo dearly but his P is very small. We don't have sex very much coz he's ashamed of it. Does anyone know a practical way to enlarge penis? Pray tell, God bless. T

One wants IT reduced. Another one wants IT increased...
Me, I'm just looking for ONE...period!
Lol.

Oya, answer T abeg. 



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Indian Farmer Is World's Oldest Dad at 94

A 94-year-old Indian farmer is claiming to be the world's oldest dad. Ramajit Raghav claims his wife Shakuntala, 59, gave birth to their son Karamjit just last month.

The couple have described the boy as "god's gift" — and aren't ruling out having more. Ramajit said: "It is great that I have become the world's oldest dad.

"I am a strong follower of Lord Shiva. I wanted to have an offspring and prayed for him. This child is god's gift to me."

The proud father, who was a wrestler in his youth, puts his virility down to his high-calorie diet.
He added: "My daily diet comprises of three litres of milk, half a kilo of almonds and half a kilo ghee (clarified butter).

"I had visited a quack in the village and he gave me some tablets but I didn't take them and threw them away."

When asked whether he was worried about his child's future, Ramajit said he would still be playing with his son in a decade.

He added: "Nothing will happen to my child as I will die only if a black snake bites me and that is very far.

"Visit me after 10 years and you will find me in the same appearance."

It is unknown how many children Ramajit has.

Great grand pa, what the hell are you doing still having sex at 94?. Time to rest it baba, time to rest it.
LOL 



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Photo of the Christ Embassy N1, 000 entry ticket

I didn’t make any comment about this before because I wasn’t really sure how true the story was but seeing the evidence here...*breathe Linda, breathe. 

This makes me so angry. Paying a fee to enter the 'House of God'...?

You know what? I won't say anything else...

You hear that sound? That’s me getting the hell out of here. The rest of you can deal with this shit.

Photo source

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